You're Looking Good, Mama
There is grace for seasons of life
Last week, Doug Wilson of Canon Press posted a carousel on Instagram and, boy, did the mamas ever come for him. He posted a pull-quote from his book, The Covenant Household. Here it is:
"How a woman presents herself and how she dresses is a statement about the conditions of her home. A godly woman will know that her hair is a daily sermon on how her husband is doing. Do people look at you and see that you are cared for and that your husband treats you right? Or do they think you are hurting?" - Douglas Wilson
Oh, the comments. Really?! I have three under five at home! My husband travels and it’s only me doing everything - I have no help! How can you be so legalistic?! And my favorite, Her HAIR?? What if she doesn’t have any hair?! I fear many mamas may have walked away from Insta feeling offended and/or defeated.
Maybe even now you’re having a visceral reaction to these words. For now, let’s put aside the fact that he’s a man commenting on women’s appearances, because that alone tends to poke our inner bear before a conversation can even begin. But we have the patience to dig deeper, prayerfully seeking first to understand, right? ;)
The topics of personal appearance, beauty and sometimes even hygiene (how many showers did you get with a newborn?) can strum our deepest vulnerabilities. As women of God, we long to know we’re beautiful. As a young mom, I looked back to the time before children when I had SO MUCH TIME to spend on fashion, style, beauty, fitness… Emotional and exhausted with my first baby at four months old, I remember looking in the mirror at dark circles, a frizzy pony-tail (before the days of the life-changing messy bun), and post-baby weight that a dear friend called, “just a little excess.” I missed that pulled-together, fresh-smelling woman I used to be.
Back then, if someone had told me that the way I looked reflected the condition of my household, let’s just say this Christian woman would have been tested.
Except…when I look back at pictures of myself from those days…I didn’t look bad. A little tired, maybe, and a smidge pudgier, but really I just looked like me. We are our own harshest critics, especially when we’re tired (and maybe even a little lonely). Please remember this when you’re staring in the mirror and wondering where you went. I promise that you’re absolutely still there, Mama, and you’re beautiful.
Okay, back to Doug Wilson. In the spirit of being slow to anger, let’s breathe deep and take a closer look at this passage, because it’s not quite saying what we think it’s saying.
The key lies in that first sentence. “How a woman presents herself and how she dresses is a statement about the condition of her home.” There were SO MANY comments about how difficult it is to look presentable with small children at home. Indeed, it is difficult. Brushing our own TEETH can be difficult. But his point is not that we need to leave the house looking like Heidi Klum en route to Vogue; his point is that how we present ourselves reflects the condition of our homes.
Hear me out. It is true that the condition of homes containing small children is usually at least a little chaotic, a bit cluttered, joyful, spontaneous, tired. I can tell you that this is exactly how I looked in those days. I can tell you that nobody wondered whether my husband was treating me right. My appearance reflected the condition of my happy, crazy home - and that’s okay. Beautiful, even.
This is not, nor should it be, a license to give up on our respective appearances. We are made in God’s image and should do our best to honor Him and to look our best for our husbands - but doing our best with a newborn at home will look much different than doing our best with teens getting ready to leave for college. How we present ourselves reflects the condition of our homes. His statement is not legalistic; it’s simply a fact of life.
Whatever stage you’re in, the secret is to balance effort with pragmatism. Maybe it’s getting dressed and your teeth brushed (2 month-old), maybe it’s light makeup or a new hairstyle (preschool years), maybe it’s hitting the gym and giving yourself a glow-up (tweens). Never for vanity, never at the expense of your God-given peace - and always for His glory.
Whatever stage you’re in, you’re looking good, Mama. One day you’ll look back at those not-as-bad-as-you-thought pictures of yourself and smile. Remember, there is always grace for seasons of life, for your own and for others.